Economy Forces Potential Merger of Two Icons

A sign of the times as giants are forced to work together or face uncertain futures.

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PITTSBURGH (CNNMoney.com) -- The Big Pig Bowloff was stunned today at the announcement that two of the founding franchises will be potentially be merged into one team.

A CNN/Opinion Research Corp. poll found that 94% of respondents expect that the combined effort would result in more focused and determined effort.

The rising cost of gasoline and beer prices are the main culprit in forcing this drastic move.

Output from the teams had been heavily slashed in the first quarter of 2008 and there were lingering fears that more layoffs might be in the near future if a joint effort was not launched.

Outlook is positive

But if AFL and the Dirty Undies feel better able to absorb the rising price of gas, it might be because they are driving less. This has been reflected in lower than normal attendence numbers.

"Ain't that a bitch," said Evan 'Jackie Treehorn' Shirey, unofficial captain of the Dirty Undies. "I was thinking there had to be a way to get this league to straighten up and fly right, but damned if I was going to be the guy to make it happen."

With last night's poor showing and the sixth Dirty Undies forfeit in a row, he might not have to be the one to make it happen.

Rumblings of a proposed merger were first seen on a little known message board for a local Pittsburgh band, Mr Devious.

"I'm not sure why the rumors started here," noted Glenn Shirey, a member of Mr Devious. "Perhaps you would like to hear about our upcoming 2008 revisit of Pahlamahlu?"

Increasing numbers of calls for merger popped up on the message board throughout the week, prompting outrage from some members and concellation from others.

"I'm just trying to make ends meet," said DJ 'The Crusher'.

Painful Meals

Of course, some organizations have not been hit nearly as hard as these two original squads. Last year's upstart team, Meal of Pain, has benefitted from the unfortunate positions that AFL and Dirty Undies have found themselves.

Repeated calls for comments from members of Meal of Pain were not returned. And a message on their answer machine stated that they were busy forming another band in hopes that someone in Pittsburgh would notice they exist.

"That's some old penis," Meal of Pain member Bryce Cakes would have most likely said in response to this article.

The Future of Big Pig

"I was worried at first when I heard they are considering bussing in new teammates from Zanesville," added AFL member Ike Jones, saying that Zanesville would be best served to go fuck itself.

How would the merger affect the Big Pig Bowloff? Experts speculate that there would be an increase in attendence and drop in forfeits. Also, economists predict an upswing in pin displacment averages on par with last years production. This would give rival groups such as Meal of Pain reasons to worry themselves.